EMP

So this post may be a bit soppy, so grab your bucket, or look away if you are of a good upstanding stiff-upper-lip disposition.

A couple of things have made me look inwardly recently, quite apart from many hours spent on the sofa being ravaged by the ‘flu virus. Firstly, I’ve just finished a book called “My Best Friend’s Girl” which I had to pad out with quite a few Terry Pratchetts as it was so intense and heart-wrenching. And secondly, I met up with some schoolfriends whom I haven’t seen for 14 or 16 years. What I found most surprising about it, wasn’t how everyone had aged (no-one looked a minute older than when I’d last seen them), nor what everyone was doing, but the fact that we were all so simliar to each other. I got the impression that we all felt the same about meeting-up, both before, during and after. I’ll just add, that it also left me really wanting to talk more, and get to know everyone all over again.

Anyway, I mentioned that I’d suffered from depression for quite a few years, including my teenage ones, and it turned out that most people didn’t know. This also surprised me, as I think part of depression is the paranoia that you are somehow “marked”. Like you are wearing a big sign above your head saying “MENTALLY ILL!”. Anyway, because I mentioned it, it got me thinking about it, and how I’m so far away from that person now. I think motherhood is a big factor in this. I’ve always felt best when I’m good at my job, and most miserable when I felt i didn’t know what I was doing (pretty common human attribute). Maybe as I’m not working at the moment, I’m experiencing parenthood quite intensely, but I actually feel that I’m good at it. I’m not the best, but that doesn’t matter. I had a friend who told me about the concept of “The Good Enough Parent” and really that’s quite easy to be. I make sure they eat healthy stuff most of the time, that they get physical activity, mental stimulation, routine, mostly consistent reaction to behaviour, and importantly I hug and kiss them at every opportunity. Really, if you don’t beat yourself up about the minutiae, these things are fairly easy and instinctive to procure most of the time, or more importantly, enough of the time. I can do this, and it feels like job satisfaction. I won’t go into the whole “love” part of parenting, as my writing would be inadequate and it would be cringeworthy to read. In purely practical terms, I’m feeling good about myself because of how I do my “job”.

Anyway, hopefully you can wash out and put away the vomit buckets now, and I’ll put a few pictures up to lighten things up a bit.
This is just what I thought was a cute picture of Ollie.

Here he is playing with a big box of duplo lego that I got from a netmum (netmums website) for only a tenner. Both he and Thomas love it, and have started to play really well together lately.

And finally… this is the best photo I’ve managed to get of his spots that weren’t chicken pox (not very clear – I’ll work on it):

So it turns out not to have been chicken pox after all. In fact, the GP didn’t know what it was that Ollie has. Still, it doesn’t seem to bother him much, so I’m not too worried. I’ll post a picture of his spots when I get a better photo of them.

Also, I mentioned our ugly tree, well with all our nice decorations on it, it doesn’t look too bad in the end:

So, having been so proud of Ollie’s speech, I realise that, from a more objective point of view, there are quite a lot of words that he says wrong. I know this is quite normal and I remember Thomas doing it too, especially “labot” instead of laptop. But Ollie has quite a few at the moment. He calls a pencil a “C”. A drink is a “weet”. “Bitsie” is a biscuit.

Anyway, I wish you all a Merry Christmas.

Thomas no longer has a polystyrene ball in his ear.

David took him to the minor injuries unit, who said they couldn’t get it out, as it was too far in. He was told he’d need to go to the specialist. David said to him, look, can’t you just call and see if the otorhinolaryngologist has any appointments available. The guy looked at him and said “are you a med student?” David said, “no, but my son is ill and I want to get this sorted before Christmas”. The guy then asked whether he thought it was causing his fever, to which David replied “no, but I don’t think it’s helping much”. Anyway, the guy did manage to get him an appointment the same afternoon. They saw Dr. Gupta who was brilliant. He put them both at ease, and managed to get the ball out, using an even thinner version of the same tool everyone else had, and a bigger microscope. Thomas for his part was very brave and sat very still, squeezing his dad’s finger for comfort.

For the rest though, we’ve all been really poorly with this flu. I’ve just about managed to stagger between bed and sofa, and relied on CBeebies and DVDs to look after the boys. Thomas has been really poorly, with high fevers since Wednesday. He’s also been crying out in pain and saying his tummy hurts, very low down. However, he does manage to eat a little most mealtimes and inbetween, so I think these are all just flu symptoms. The GP who checked him out said that there are glands in the abdomen that can become a bit sore when trying to fight a bug. Tonight is the first night I’ve seen Thomas show any signs of improvement, so I hope he’s over the worst. Ollie is just a walking bag of snot, and he’s started running a bit of a temperature too.

Anyway, hopefully next post will be a bit more cheerful. I have a surprise for you for Christmas, so I hope it’ll be fun.

So Ollie took the opportunity while his dad was away to really get some words in edgeways. He is really coming along, and will give any word you ask for a good go, though “sausages” comes out more like “saucey”. He’s said ladder, bird, toast, house and horse, mouse, cow, pig and all sorts, except “Thomas”! He seems to call Thomas “Badoh” or “Sale!” goodness knows why. It must be the word he hears most often (apart from NO!) and he has actually said it once quite well, but seems to prefer Badoh.

Thomas’ wound is getting better very slowly. At least the swelling has gone down, so I’m less paranoid about a flesh-eating virus attack. Our GPs generally don’t seem to care very much about what the cause is, only that the treatment works. We’re going to see the nurse this afternoon to try to get this polystyrene ball out. She may just send us to a minor injuries unit.

So I mentioned it in my last post, but here it is:

Before:

After:

To clarify, last Friday, Thomas got a nick which was so small, I thought it was a spot – I even asked Aunty Jo if it could be a chicken pox er… poc. The first photo was taken on Sunday, and admittedly not the most flattering photo ever. We then went on the tube (and a replacement bus-service bus) and the second photo was taken yesterday, Wednesday. I’m most worried about the fact that his whole eyebrow and eyelid section are swollen. We’re going to see the doctor tomorrow, so I hope he’ll have some good news.

Ollie looked at me solemnly when I wiped his face with the flannel this morning and said “ot!” Well, it was a bit on the warm side. He also said “socks” very clearly today.

So, nursery rang on Friday to let me know that Thomas wasn’t himself at all and kept clutching his left ear and saying that it hurt. We luckily got a cancellation at the GP who looked in his ears. The sore ear was too full of wax to see if there was an infection, but he let us have a prescription for anti-biotics, in case it didn’t clear up before Sunday. More importantly, he found his other ear has a polystyrene ball from a bean bag in it No wonder he can’t hear anything! The GP isn’t worried about it, as he said it’s not blocking the ear, but I’m not so sure, and I’m worried it will affect his hearing-response development. (I did try and get it out today but was unsuccessful.) Luckily a good night’s sleep saw off any potential infection, so we didn’t need to get the antibiotics.

So Thomas keeps asking me “what did you say?” but his number 1 method of inquiry isn’t “why?” like mine was at his age, but: “...and then what happens?” he seems to ask me this all the time.

Anyway, in other news, we had a list of reviews back from the promoter about our first EP, and the responses were pretty good, with my favourite from Mary-Anne Hobbs, Radio 1, being “very interesting, might consider for the show”. It has inspired us to work harder and faster, spending evenings working, rather than zoning out in front of the tele. I’ve now gotta go and search Google for “removing polystyrene balls from toddler’s ear”.

I thought I’d better update, as it’s been a while since I last posted, and in the last post, Ollie had a bad cough, and was going to the doctors!

Well he got over that one, though I got through so many tissues, I started using a muslin square to wipe his nose.

The best news is that I can see better behaviour in both the boys. Thomas still has his moments, but he responds well to being told off, in that he seems to remember, and actually do what I say! I do have to tell him about 10 times, but I think I remember reading somewhere that you shouldn’t expect your toddler to respond straight away. The first couple of times actually get his attention from whatever he was doing, then the next few times he has to process the information, and then co-ordinate his body to do said command. It is hard to keep your patience though!

Ollie is also being much more responsive to me, and doing what I say, which makes things much easier. He’s really really into numbers at the moment. As I type, he is waving a Boots voucher in my face and saying “FIVE! FIVE! FIVE!” He can say 2 now, and eight and nine, but he is still most comfortable with 3,4,5, and 6.

A quick word about accents here. Both boys, but especially Ollie, say “Mummay” instead of mummy. Thomas still says “roight” and “moine” instead of “right” and “mine”. Ollie says “aiyeet” instead of “eight”.

Thomas is also talking a lot more with other children, and will mention names and conversations he’s had with his friends. Unfortunately, he is also accosting complete strangers (grown-ups) and talking to them too. He pestered some poor woman in a sari yesterday shouting “What’s your name? WHAT’S YOUR NAME?!” and when she puzzledly told him, he quickly told her that he’d been to nursery, but we were going home for dinner, but daddy wouldn’t be there because he was at work, and he had done a marble painting at nursery and eaten banana, apple and some milk etc etc etc. Luckily most people think it’s cute, or at least smile and are kind, but I need to stop it, as, apart from everything else, I don’t want him to tell everyone where we’re going, who’s at home etc etc. He now introduces himself as Thomas Plans!

Something that really cheered me up the other day, was one of the staff at playgroup telling me he had a really good imagination, and that he was clever. Just a little comment, made me feel good all week, and on reflection, it’s not the fact that Thomas is clever that I’m feeling good about, it’s just that someone else thinks so, and was kind enough to tell me about it.

The BEST news this post is that BOTH boys slept through the night last night, for the first time in what feels like 6 months!

I’ll leave you with a glimpse into the hullabaloo that passes for dinner round our place:

I thought I’d record a few more Ollie things.

Firstly, he’s still quite poorly, coughing a lot, snotty nose, but the high irritability level could just be a personality trait… Anyway, this means I’ve put the going-back-to-sleep-in-the-cot training on hold for now, which is a bit of a relief, as last night I pulled him straight into bed with me when he woke up and we both got a reasonable night’s sleep.

Secondly, he’s decided to grow a molar on the right-hand side of his mouth, before completing the front set. He has 4 on the top, 3 on the bottom, no incisors and 1 molar. Strange child.

Lastly, his vocabulary is really impressing me now. He said “wave” today. Not too impressive, I know, but considering Thomas didn’t really say anything til he was 2, it’s impressive for me. I do know personally some 18-month olds who talk more than him already, but it always seems funny to hear tiny voices saying things, like oompa-loompas, or Munchkins etc. Ollie is cutest when he’s counting, which he does quite often.

Lastly, his behaviour. He is extremely stubborn. He throws tantrums all the time. He flipped out at the doctors today, screaming and struggling. I had to prise his jaws open physically at the dentists the other day. He throws himself on the floor to crack his head at any opportunity. At this age I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t get what he wants when he throws a tantrum, as they are almost always about things I have no control over anyway! He can be playing with a toy and suddenly get so frustrated with it, he screams and throws it across the room! He still hits me and Thomas. I tried to get him to say sorry today. I’m sure he understands how to sign it at least – even Thomas was signing sorry at this age. But when I asked him to say sorry, he got angry and shouted “NO!” every time…

I’m hoping that over the next few months, as he gets a bit more of a handle on the world, and understands it and is less frustrated by it, he will calm down a bit. He’s very amenable when he’s in a good mood: he is happy to help tidy things, he loves joining in singing and dancing, and is pretty good at these things too! Oh, he recognises the letter ‘W’ now as well.

On a lighter note, Thomas is already becoming a bit nicer, with the unpleasant behaviour only occurring when he’s really tired, or he’s forgotten about being good!

Well, you may call me a hypocrite, as I’m pretty much a confirmed atheist at the moment, but something happened that made me smile. I’ve been stressing over the lack of long-sleeved t-shirts for Ollie. It’s not that he doesn’t have millions, but a combination of a bad cold, huge molars coming through, fierce independence at mealtimes and intermittent heating+hot water over the last couple of weeks have left me short, and resorting to pyjama tops (no difference really). Then, at toddler group today I was pointed to a table full of clothes and told to pick out anything I wanted, as they were leftovers from the Autumn Fayre. I came home with a bag full of clothes for nothing! I’m not feeling smug, in that I still want to give the equivalent money to charity, but I do feel that my need was provided for, at a church.

I said I would keep you posted with the sleeping. Well, Ollie did sleep til about 4.15am which was a good start. I went and told him that, no he wasn’t coming out, and he should go back to sleep. Well, at first he was curious as to why I was trying to wriggle into a small ball at the end of Thomas’ bed (the bean bag was a total dead loss), but soon enough, he became enraged that I wasn’t doing what he asked so he screamed for a while. Eventually, when all went quiet I got up to have a look, to see two big eyes looking right back at me. Damn. Back to my scrunched up ball at the end of Thomas’ bed. Finally, when he realised nothing exciting was going to happen, he did get back to sleep. I dragged myself back to my bed at about 5.30am. He woke up again at 6.10. I managed to drag myself out of bed and decided that it was too late to do the whole going back to sleep thing so fell with him back into my bed. This meant we didn’t wake up til 8am and messed up our routine. We’ll see how we go tonight.

I leave you with a couple of pics of us at Wisley Gardens. Thomas got a chance to put his birthday present, a camera, to good use.